


and in this moment, I was pretty pleased with the person I was pretending to be

by stefonzolesky



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 17:32:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12916809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stefonzolesky/pseuds/stefonzolesky
Summary: Gob sees his life flash before his eyes.“No,” He blurts. “Lindsay, don’t.”But he figures she doesn’t know how absolutely horrid doing that is, not really. She does it anyways.(or, the teen au that nobody asked for)





	and in this moment, I was pretty pleased with the person I was pretending to be

_ (title from summer shandy by the front bottoms) _

“Listen, I know this seems bad, but I promise when I’m sober I’ll have an explanation for it.”

Gob laughs and rolls over on his stomach. Tony’s legs rest against his and Michael stands over the both of them.

“You’d better,” Michael warns. He sounds older than he is; he always does. Then: “I’ll cover for you. We both know mom will be  _ pissed.” _

Tony mumbles something inaudible against Gob’s neck, and Gob nods. “Thanks, Mikey.” He grins. “I owe you one.”

“You owe me plenty, Gob.” Michael sighs, but something in his voice sounds less than disappointed. “But you don’t need to pay up for this one.”

 

Gob isn’t exactly sure when he falls asleep, but he knows when he wakes up. He wakes up to sunlight streaming through the blinds and his head is pounding and thank  _ fuck _ it’s Saturday.

Tony is still asleep next to him. Gob slips out of the bed, careful not to wake him, and goes to find Michael.

“Morning,” Michael greets him from his seat.

Gob sighs and runs the water. “Can you get me an Aspirin?” His voice is rough. Michael nods and hops off his stool.

“Here.” Michael hands him the bottle, and Gob opens it and swallows the pills in a few seconds flat. “We’re gonna talk about this, right?”

Gob hesitates. “Yeah. Once Tony goes home,” He promises. “He’s asleep.”

Michael stares at him, and by now he’s returned to his seat. “It isn’t just a drunk thing, is it?”

And Michael is so much  _ older _ than he should be, in the way he talks and thinks and holds himself. Gob frowns.

“I don’t think it is.” And it takes him a minute to find those words, lost in thought. Michael doesn’t bat an eyelid at him.

It wasn’t Michael he was worried about, though. It never is.

After a moment, Michael speaks up again. “You remember most of it, though. Right?”

Gob’s frown deepens. “Some. Most. I know what happened. The… The details are a bit blurry, though.”

“ _ Gob.” _ Michael gives an exasperated sigh. “You’re  _ sixteen _ . This isn’t shit you should be doing.”

Gob gets defensive, though he knows Michael is only trying to look out for him. “And you’re fourteen! Mom and dad shouldn’t be doing this to you.”

“Sometimes…” Michael hesitates. “Sometimes I forget you’re older than me.”

Gob smiles sadly. “So do I.”

 

Tony finds Gob and kisses his cheek when he wakes up. He still looks asleep, his hair sticking out in odd directions.

“Go home,” Gob tells him, and the words scratch his throat. “Your parents are gonna get worried.”

Tony smiles a tired sort of smile and heads out the door. And Buster tugs on Gob’s sleeve. “Why was Tony here?”

“No reason, bud.” Gob ruffles Buster’s hair, and Buster nods an understanding. It takes a few more minutes before Michael clears his throat from the back of the room.

“We’re gonna talk, now?” It sounds like a question, but Gob doesn’t think it is.

Gob sighs. “I guess so.” He turns around to face Michael, finally, and gives Buster a pat on the shoulder. “Go bother Lindsay, yeah?”

Michael looks expectant. He’s good at saying everything with a facial expression, always has been. Gob… not so much. He has to trip over his words before he gets to what he actually means.

Michael’s face is tired. His eyes are older than his body. He--

“Gob?”

Gob snaps out of it. “Sorry.” His voice is more of a croak. “Was thinking.”

“Well, you better get to explaining.” Michael drums his fingers absently on the counter. “How much did you drink?”

“Don’t remember,” Gob admits quietly. “Enough to make some stupid decisions. Not enough to not remember them.”

“And this thing.” Michael studies Gob’s face, his eyes running equations. “This thing, with Tony--”

“Not sexual,” Gob promises.

Michael scoffs. “Your jeans were on the floor. Neither of you had shirts on.”

Gob hesitates. “Okay, it’s a fair guess, but I promise you. Nothing sexual. We were both drunk, we were both hot, and Tony couldn’t figure out how to work the fan.” He pauses. “We  _ did _ do a lot of making out, if you have an issue with that.”

“Who did a lot of making out?” Lindsay’s voice comes from across the room. She runs a hand through her hair and yawns. Gob… panics. Mildly.

“U-uh,” He stutters. “Me and this girl. Uh. I-- I don’t know her name, b-but we… We made out. A lot. She was hot.”

Lindsay stares at him blankly, but if she knows he’s lying, she doesn’t say it. Finally: “Alright. Well, mom and dad are out today, so I’m leaving.”

Michael just nods, and Gob finds himself staring at the oh-so-interesting ground in front of him until Lindsay leaves.

“Close one,” He mumbles once she’s gone. “Almost got caught.”

“You’re not gonna tell her?” Michael quirks an eyebrow, leaning forwards. Gob sighs and takes a seat.

“I don’t think I will,” He admits. “Not soon, anyway. And it’s not like I’m in a relationship. I only told you because you caught me red-handed. And you’re the most level-headed person in this family. You would be first to know anyway.”

Michael’s expression is still sharp, but something softens in his eyes. After a while, he manages a soft “Thanks, Gob. That means a lot to me.”

And Gob can see something in his face. The fourteen-year-old boy he  _ should _ be, not the one that’s too old for his own good, that their parents prodded at until he was “perfect.”

It’s stupid, is what it is. Gob would have a word with his parents if they cared in the slightest about anything he had to say. But they don’t, so he doesn’t.

Being the least liked Bluth kid is tiring. Gob knows it can only get worse from here.

 

“Why do you look at him like that?” Buster asks Gob one day, sitting on the steps outside their house as Tony is leaving. 

“Like what?” Gob blinks himself into reality and looks at his younger brother. Buster is just a kid, he doesn’t… He doesn’t actually know how Gob looks at Tony. Not that there’s a certain way he looks at his friend, no.

Buster shifts and pulls his knees to his chest. “Like how Michael looks at Tracey.” He says it like it’s obvious. “You get a silly smile on your face and your eyes look like there’s hearts in them. How come you look at Tony like that?”

Gob laughs, strangled and cold. “What? I don’t. I don’t-- I don’t look at  _ anyone _ like that.”

“Sure you do,” Buster points out eloquently, his finger angled at where Tony left. “You look at him like that. You were just doin’ it, when he walked away.”

“I don’t do that, Bustie.” Gob stares at the ground. “I don’t. Tony’s-- Tony’s my best friend.”

“Yeah, ‘n you look at him like Michael looks at Tracey.” Buster insists. “I’m gonna go inside.” And he pushes himself off the steps and goes inside. Gob finds himself staring where Tony was long after he’s gone.

Eventually, Michael slides into the seat next to Gob and asks the question that Gob is sure he’s been thinking about for a long time.

“So, like… You love Tony?”

Gob sighs. “I…” He hesitates. “I don’t know.”

Michael nods and doesn’t say anything else. Gob tries his hardest not to look Michael in the eye, and he isn’t exactly sure why.

When the silence weighs down too hard, Gob starts to ramble.

“I just-- he's good _. _ Well, not  _ good _ , but he's-- He’s right. He’s  _ right _ . And I don’t know what that means, for-- for-- for me  _ or _ for him, but… It’s just-- it’s-- for-- for--”

And then he’s stuttering, and his chest his closing, and  _ he can’t breathe, fuck, he can’t breathe, he’s gonna die he’s sure of it-- _

Michael’s eyes look heavy and sad. He shushes Gob, in the most reassuring way possible, but it isn’t all as reassuring as he’d like it to be.

Gob swallows his words.

There’s a dead silence lingering, and it’s so heavy. Gob closes his eyes, and it feels less like they’re closed, less like he’s relaxed. More like he’s staring, panicked, at the inside of his eyelids.

He finally comes up with an apology, but he doesn’t open his eyes because he can’t handle the look of disappointment he  _ knows _ Michael will give him.

Michael places a hand on Gob’s shoulder, but the touch is barely there because Michael is scared, and moreover, he’s disappointed.

But instead of saying something like what Gob imagines, he says “Okay.”

That’s it.

Gob opens his eyes slowly, and he blinks at Michael. “Okay?”

“Okay,” Michael confirms. “That’s okay. If you love him. That’s okay. I can’t say I get it, but… he makes you happy. So that’s okay.”

Gob lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Tears sting at the corners of his eyes. “Thank you.” He laughs, warm and stressed and filled with tears. “Thank you, Mikey.”

He wraps his arms around Michael, and almost doesn’t recognize the disinterested look on Michael’s face. He’s too happy that Michael doesn’t mind to care in the slightest. It doesn’t dishearten him a bit.

It should, though. He just… doesn’t fully register it. Michael halfheartedly rubs circles against his back. 

“You’re okay,” Michael promises.

Gob almost believes him.

 

Everything shifts a bit after that, though. Michael looks at him just a little differently. Just a little, but enough to where Lindsay can tell something is off. 

“What’s up with you?” She laughs, and it throws Gob off -- how she could laugh in a moment… where nothing is right for him, just because she has no idea. She can’t get inside his head, and he can’t get inside hers.

“Nothing,” Gob rushes out, too quick. It’s unnatural. Lindsay looks… startled.

She raises her hands in a surrender. “Okay, okay. I can take a hint. I’ll leave you alone.” But she laughs again, and it makes Gob’s ears hurt.

He doesn’t relax when she leaves, though. This should be something he can deal with.

 

Gob comes back from Tony’s house one day, and he knows he’s glowing. Michael notices too. He always notices things like that.

“Gob?” He grits his teeth lightly. “Can I talk to you? Privately?”

Gob tenses a little, but he’s too happy to be  _ too _ scared. “Yeah,” He says quietly. “Yeah, you can.”

Michael drags him to the bathroom and locks the door behind them. “Did you fuck Tony?”

“What?” Gob asks, but he’s grinning like an idiot. “I didn’t fuck Tony.”

(He’s not lying. The thing is -- Michael never asked if he and Tony fucked. He just asked if Gob fucked Tony.)

Michael sighs deeply, bringing his hand to his forehead. “You’re sixteen.”

“So?” Gob snickers. “Lindsay’s fourteen.”

“Lindsay hasn’t--” Michael trails off. He stares at the ground for a second, obviously trying to think up an argument. “You’re not like Lindsay, are you?”

“I’m not. I waited until I was sixteen.” Gob offers a grin and moves to unlock the door.

Michael slaps his hand over the handle. “We’re not done talking about this. Not even close.”

“Come  _ on, _ Michael,” Gob protests. “It’s not like I’ve done anything wrong.” Because he firmly believes he hasn’t. So what he’s sixteen? He likes Tony at least a little, which is new. Gob doesn’t really understand  _ love _ quite yet, but he understands this. And that’s something to be proud of.

“I just don’t want this to go wrong, Gob.” Michael wrings his hands in front of him nervously.

“It won’t,” Gob promises. “Remember, Mike? I’m the older one here. I can take care of myself.”

Michael frowns. He hesitates. “I don’t know that you can.”

It hits Gob like a punch to the gut.

“Alright.” He caves. “Alright, I get what you’re saying. Sleeping with Tony was a bad fucking move -- doesn’t matter if I’m happy.” The bitter words fall out of his mouth before he can think to say anything else.

Michael stiffens. “That’s not what I meant.”

It takes a moment for Gob to speak up, like his tongue is plastered flat in his mouth.

“Well,” He finally manages. “That’s a lot what it sounded like.”

And it turns into a stare-off between him and Michael, and it looks like Michael might say something to object but he  _ doesn’t _ , so Gob grabs the handle of the door and leaves.

It hurts. It hurts to know that Michael doesn’t believe that he can take care of himself. Doesn’t think he deserves to be happy. So what if he’s  _ right? _ That doesn’t mean anything.

He hesitates right before he knocks on Tony’s front door.

 

“Gob?” Tony leans against the doorframe lightly. “I thought you were going home?”

Gob shrugs. “I did. Wasn’t really wanted there.”

Tony falters a little bit and then steps aside to let Gob in without another word. The air is tense and full of unasked questions, but neither of them are planning on breaking the silence.

“Did you tell Michael?” Tony finally asks, like it’s been stuck in his throat the whole time. Gob casts his eyes down.

“No.” He fidgets with his hands in his lap. “He… uh, he guessed. I guess I was  _ too happy, _ or something. He’s… pretty upset.”

“He can suck it,” Tony says. The thick silence settles again and Gob feels like it’s choking him. Tony obviously notices this -- the struggle -- and he cuts through the tension. “Besides. You’re the older one, he can’t make all your decisions for you.”

“That’s what I tried to tell him,” Gob huffs out as he throws himself down on the couch. “He won’t listen. Just because he’s the favorite child--”

“--doesn’t mean that he can make your decisions for you,” Tony finishes. “Yeah.”

“Yeah,” Gob agrees. They fall into silence again. It isn’t heavy this time, though. It’s comfortable.

“I’m sorry,” Tony finally says. “You don’t deserve that.”

“I know, right?” Gob scoffs, because Tony’s right. He  _ doesn’t _ deserve that. “I’m gonna call him out.”

“It’s what I would do.” Tony hesitates, his eyes locking with Gob’s. He’s sat down by now;  _ too close, _ Gob thinks. His hand lingers over Tony’s.

There’s dead silence aside from the clanking of the dryer in the other room. Gob pulls his hand away.

“Sorry,” He says softly. Tony stares at him blankly.

After what seems like hours, Tony finally scoffs. “Gobie. We fucked. You don’t need to apologize for touching my hand.”

And it’s something that sounds like he should be mad. Because no matter what he tells himself, Gob will always be some fraction  _ ashamed.  _ There’s no regret there, no, but there’s shame despite how happy this made him. There’s shame, and he’s not sure how to get rid of it.

But Tony isn’t mad. Tony’s eyes are soft and his smile is warm and he’s not mad at Gob. Which is new, because somehow Gob always manages to piss everyone off.

Except for Tony.

“Yeah,” He finally breathes out. “I just-- I know. Sorry.”

Tony shakes his head, but he doesn’t say anything else.

 

Gob outs himself to his sister (and his whole family) that night. He doesn’t mean to, not at all, but he’s yelling and Lindsay can hear him through the door.

“I guess I’m so  _ disgusting _ , Michael,” He laughs, but it’s so bitter that it’s nearly the equivalent of him spitting on his younger brother’s shoes. “You said it’s okay, that this was  _ okay, _ and now you hate me for it.”

“I don’t hate you for loving Tony, Gob,” Michael insists, his expression red-hot. “I’m angry that you went and fucked him.”

“So what if that’s what happened!” Gob’s face is heating up so fast, because he’s  _ pissed,  _ he’s  _ so _ pissed at Michael. “You think it’s gross, and you think it’s wrong, and you  _ aren’t _ happy for me. That’s just the facts. That’s just the--”

And Michael has gone pale, and that’s when Gob turns and notices the door has been opened and Lindsay is leaning against the doorway.

She laughs.

“Wait until I tell mom and dad,” She grins, and Gob sees his life flash before his eyes.

“No,” He blurts. “Lindsay, don’t.”

But he figures she doesn’t know how absolutely horrid doing that is, not really. She does it anyway.

 

Lucille calls a “family meeting,” which typically means “everyone bashing on Gob for one to three hours.”

They sit in silence for about ten minutes before anyone has the courage to say anything.

“What’d Gob do wrong this time?” Buster asks softly, curiosity leaking heavily into his voice. Gob rolls his eyes.

“I didn’t do anything  _ wrong,  _ B _ \--” _ He starts to object, but is quickly cut off by Lucille’s bitter words.

“Of course you did.” Her voice is sharp. Gob winces like he’s been hit.

George scoffs next to her and mumbles something that sounds a lot like “I’d have expected Buster.” 

Lucille cuts her eyes at him but says nothing. The silence returns, and it makes something flip in Gob’s stomach, a shame he’s never really felt before.

“You’re not gonna kick me out, are you?” The question comes softer than he’d have liked it to, because he’s  _ scared. _

“Of course not,” Michael starts for them, but his mouth slams shut when Lucille cuts her eyes at him. Lindsay avoids looking up, mindlessly filing her nails.

Gob hopes she feels bad.

“You guys can put him to work,” Michael reasons, guilt flashing in his eyes for getting upset with Gob in the first place. “You don’t need to kick him out.”

“Put  _ him _ to work?” Lucille gestures to him dramatically. “Doing what? He’s practically useless.”

Michael looks like he’s about to object, but Gob catches his eyes and shakes his head. “She’s right, Mike. I really should just go.”

There’s another silence, and this time, Lindsay is the one who breaks.

“I’m  _ sorry,” _ She crumbles, her eyes wide as she finally looks to Gob’s face. “I shouldn’t have said anything, I just thought it would be funny.” She turns her attention to George and Lucille. “Don’t kick him out for this.”

Gob is about to chew her out, but he falters when he sees the tears in her eyes.

“You’re right,” He says softly. “You shouldn’t have.”

And that’s it.

 

In the end, they don’t kick him out. But they look at him differently, for sure. Everyone talks about him in whispers and they turn their backs when he walks in the room. 

Except Michael. Because Michael always addresses his problems head-on. So when Gob starts spending too much time at Tony’s house and not enough time at home, Michael calls him out.

“You can’t just stay over there all the time,” He points out. “Mom and Dad will kick you out for real if you keep screwing around with Tony.”

“You think I shouldn’t be happy?” Gob counters, even though that’s obviously not what Michael meant. “Oh, younger brother-- tells me about-- the-- sh--” He cuts himself off before he gets more worked up, because from past experience, that never ends well.  

“No, Gob!” Michael looks exasperated. “I don’t think you shouldn’t be happy, so don’t always fucking jump to that! I just think you need to spend more time at home so Mom and Dad don’t kick you out!”

“Fuck you,” Gob spits at him, knee-jerk. “I’m finally happy, and you’re trying to take it away from me. Like you always do.”

Michael doesn’t say anything else. He just gives Gob some look that he can’t really pull apart to figure out what it means the way he usually tries to. It takes him a second before he walks away, sophisticated as always.

It’s their parents fault, Gob tells himself. It always is. It’s never him, and it’s never Michael. They’ve been driven head to head. He tells himself that so often that he believes it. Never for a second could it just be Michael.

 

Gob stays the next week at Tony’s house. He doesn’t want to risk facing Michael again, though somehow, in the back of his mind, he knows he’s only making this worse for himself.

“Maybe trying to talk to him isn’t the way to go,” Tony suggests, his feet up on the coffee table. “You and him think differently.”

“I know,” Gob groans out. “But it’s so  _ hard!” _

“I know,” Tony echoes, gesturing for Gob to lay against his side. “But you’ll be fine.”

For some reason, Gob believes him.

 

So he tries to talk to Michael. He tries to keep his voice from shaking, and he tries to reason his way through the situation. He’s never been very good at that.

“It’s not like I don’t see where you’re coming from,” Michael tells him. “It’s that you’re wrong. You act like I’m out to hurt you, or something. If you should be worried about anyone, it’s  _ Lindsay.” _ He eyes the doorway behind Gob, and Gob turns to find Lindsay sporting a guilty smile against the frame.

“Sorry,” She says. “I know it’s weak, but…” She trails off, like she wants to say more but she can’t figure out how. “Sorry.”

Gob doesn’t say anything to her. Michael tells her to shut the door behind her on her way out.

Once she’s gone, Gob bites hard on his lip and gives his (probably  _ too _ ) thought out response.

“I just wish you cared about my happiness, Mikey.” He takes a shaky breath. “You always think you’re doing what’s best for everyone else, but you never do. And you think you’re helping me by telling me to stay away from Tony, but you’re not. Because Tony makes me happy, and Mom and Dad sure as hell don’t.”

Michael looks like he wants to object, but he stops himself.

“Okay,” He finally caves. “I’ll try harder.”

Gob hadn’t actually expected Michael to agree. He straightens his back a little and mumbles a ‘thanks.’ Michael just nods.

 

One day, Gob hears Michael shouting at their parents. 

“You’re not making  _ Gob _ work!” He exclaims, his voice wavering. Gob tries to look through the crack in the door. Michael is pointing a shaky finger in his direction.

Lucille rolls her eyes. “He couldn’t pour water out of a cup if the instructions were on the bottom. Plus, he’s one of the gays. We don’t want him contaminating people’s food.”

“No offense, mom, but that’s bullshit.” Michael huffs. “Complete and total  _ bullshit.” _

Gob feels a cough rise up his throat, but he tries desperately to push it down.

“Your brother is practically inept,” Lucille resolves. “Just to go work, Michael. Don’t make me ask you again.”

Gob is sure that Michael nearly doesn’t notice him leaving the room. Nearly. He stops three feet away and turns on his heel.

“How much of that did you hear?” He rocks on his heels.

Gob shrugs. “I heard you sticking up for me. I also heard you trying to put me to work.” He pauses. “Thanks.”

Michael shrugs. “In all honesty, I just don’t want to work the banana stand alone,” He admits. “But it’s shitty of mom to say some of the things that she says.”

Something swells in Gob’s chest, but he doesn’t know what else to say. So he just nods and smiles and goes to his room with his head down.

 

He doesn’t remember falling asleep. When he wakes up, it’s two in the morning and Tony is throwing rocks at his window like a fucking nerd.

When Gob cracks his window open, Tony’s reflexes are still going and a rock flies past Gob’s head. He grimaces.

“Sorry!” Tony shouts up. “That last one was an accident!”

“I figured!” Gob hisses back at him through gritted teeth, but he’s grinning so wide that it hurts his cheeks.

Gob never thought that he could fall for someone like Tony. Tony is a nerd, he geeks out about old films, and Tony is full of energy all the time. Gob never thought that Tony, of all people, would leave him flustered like this.

He sneaks out the door without waking anyone up. It isn’t like it would matter if he did, though. Tony greets him with a kiss that somehow conveys the words  _ I missed you _ and Gob has to keep himself from vocalizing his  _ I missed you too. _

Gob isn’t sure what they have. It’s something, there’s no doubt about that, but there’s so many thin lines that they’re balancing on.

They sit by the pond next to Tony’s house, chucking rocks and sticks in just to see how far they can go. Tony’s hand brushes over Gob’s, sometimes, and it makes his chest feel warm.

_ Love _ is a heavy word, but Gob is at least in  _ like _ with Tony Wonder. That shows in the delicate manner that he treats Tony, a way he’s never treated anyone else before.

“Are…” The words stick to the roof of his mouth when he tries to speak. “Are we… Are we boyfriends, now?”

Tony glances up to study Gob’s face. “I don’t know. If… do you want to be?”

“Yeah,” Gob admits. “But only if you do.”

Tony nods slowly and grabs ahold of Gob’s hand so tight that Gob is afraid something bad might happen if he were to let go.

“Alright,” He says. “So we’re boyfriends.”

Gob lets out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding. “Yeah.” He studies Tony’s face with a vague smile. “Yeah, we are.” And then, just for good measure, he mumbles under his breath, “Fuck whatever Michael thinks.”

“That’s the spirit,” Tony tells him, voice soft. “Your happiness is more important than what anyone else thinks. Do what you want.”

“Yeah.” Gob is growing more confident by the second. “I will.”

 

The first thing Gob does the next morning when he gets home is tell his whole family just that. 

“I don’t care what you think.” He’s lying, but he does it confidently. They’ll have to believe him. “So I’m gonna do the things that make  _ me _ happy.”

Lucille just sips absently at her vodka, obviously not paying full attention. Buster is too focused on his toy trucks to care. Michael… smiles.

Gob is proud of himself for once.

 

Michael sits down next to him later that day.  “Uh,” He starts off strong. “That was pretty cool, what you did earlier.”

Gob lights up. “It was? I mean, I don’t… It doesn’t matter what you think. I mean.” He hesitates. “Thanks, Mike.”

Michael just smiles, and Gob knows that it’s because he’s never been very good at being kind to his brother.

 

Gob is happy, though. He’s got a boyfriend who may or may not love him, he’s got a brother who is finally trying. He doesn’t think he needs much more than that.

  
  


 


End file.
